No theme *other than work*, just rambling...

   Today was an odd day today at school. Hope the rest of the week isn't like this!

   With the voluntary removal of services, I found that I accomplished a lot more. But, I had to deal with argumentative students: "Why should I work outside of the period when YOU DON'T?" (My reply: "I work outside of the period, just without students. Get back to work and hand something in.") I am seriously considering printing out the Education Act, and highlighting what teachers are required to do by law - and what students are required to do as well! That may shock a few.

   Wednesday is the final deadline for all these assignments I've been trying to collect in vain. Everyone has known since April 30 of every single assignment due, and several work periods. So why are there only 4 students out of all my periods that are all done? I appreciate that Photo is not the highest academic priority, but hell, shoot on the weekend and edit in class. You'll be done quicker than your realize! Frustration to an extreme. I've had to call 30 parents because as it stands, that many are looking to fail. Fail Photo!? Really, you have to TRY to fail photo.

   Find out about jobs this week. Basically there are four situations that could happen for me, two unlikely. The first unlikely: I'm finished my semester and return to the sublist. If that happens, I did something horribly wrong (which I doubt, judging from reaction from admin and students). Second unlikely: offered a PERMANENT contract. That is the ultimate goal, one I've never been closer to since I start subbing. But high schools in general will have a few less students overall, and that impacts 'hiring.'

   The two likely scenarios are I continue in Photo (finish in January), or start the music mat leave (for all year). Obviously, I would love the music contract. It's the one that I did in September-November, and it's guitar. But Photo would be awesome too - finally starting to get used to it, and would have a lot of fun with the knowledge the students should've learned this term. In any case, I have been told I'll know by mid-week. I'm hoping everything really is fallng into place, and not falling out from under me, like 5 years ago. It took me 5 years to get back to a good place in most aspects!

  But, I'm trying to destress. I went for a run (ha - okay, some of that was relaxing, but I'm not at the point of enjoying it completely!), took a long hot shower, and just relaxing in front of the tv. If I was into wine, I'd probably drink that too... ooo, I have bailey's.... gotta go :)

One of my many journeys...

   I honestly believe life is a series of journeys, with the process just as important (if not more) than the destination. The journey of school, uni, work (retail), relationships, and the journey of self. I have always had a weight problem.

   I am an emotional eater. In high school, dealing with the 'normal' teenage drama, a few deaths, accidents and emergencies plus low self image (add a few bad experiences in phys.ed. with one teacher put me off  physical activity for nearly a decade) didn't help. Add the "healthy" food of the buffeteria in Ed, and my experience leaving Ktown, it's a crappy equation. And, if you've met most of my family you'll know that weight is an issue for most of us. Even my athletic father had issues. I'm not blaming genetics, but I believe it's part of the reason. I've tried damn hard to never let my size stop me from doing what I want to do, and honestly can't think of anytime when it really did.

   In any case, I really didn't do much until I started wanting to travel. When I was in a position financially to start travelling, I tried Weight Watchers online. I learned quickly I need accountability, and the online didn't work well. Backpacked the UK, and had an amazing time, with no limitations. Last year I was supposed to go to Switzerland for a Girl Guide conference, with the 'hostel' a 45 minute walk from the bus stop, incline all the way. I started walking again, and even when the conference was kiboshed (stupid Icelandic volcano), I completed the Bridge City Boogie 10k walk.

   Fast forward to this school year, where I walked into an amazing set of circumstances that left me with 3 contracts at the same school. The experiences have given me the confidence to do something (again). My uncle and aunt had success with a weight loss program in the city, loosing about the amount I need to lose to be at a 'healthy' weight. The program has coaching built in, so I have people checking in on me (and not in a condescending way). I've been on the program since my first contract ended in November.

   I'm not saying it's been a breeze - ha! I know this is a long process... I'm looking at meeting my goal in 2012. Which, hopefully, I'm fine with. I'm trying new things - I am taking up running, which may not work out, but at least I tried. I was able to climb a 2.5 storey building in India in March! I'm going to do the Boogie again, and attempt to run some of the 5k. I'm also celebrating small victories: each time I hit a reasonable percentage, I'm doing something for me. Hitting (and passing) the 1/3 mark required a nose piercing :) I have plans for 1/2, 2/3 and the end... which people will figure out once I hit it :)

   Thankfully, I'm seeing changes, even if those around me don't... which is not a dig for compliments - the changes have been so slow that only people who see me occasionally notice. I am wearing clothes that are smaller than when I was in high school (my grad dress it too big!!), and I am at a weight I don't remember being. Very rarely will I mention actual numbers: that is still one area I'm embarassed about. Maybe when I hit a certain point, but for now I tend to give percentages or fractions.

   Looking forward to more of this journey, and excited about the destination :)

Music and me

   I heard a song on the radio today that made me think of this, and considering I have a pile of marking to do, I figured I'd blog instead :)

   Ever make a "soundtrack" for your life? Maybe it's the music geek in me :) but I often think of it. If I ever teach a music class again, it's something I would love to do with students to get them really starting to listen to music and reflecting.

   As long as I can remember - even before I started playing music - there have been songs that stuck with me, or remind of someone/something/sometime. As I got older, I was one of those weird ones that listened to the music in the movies and related it back to the plot or character. 

   Most of the major events in my life have a song that's meaningful to me. There are even songs that remind me of people in my life, lasting or fleeting.

  For example: the song I heard today was "Breathe" by Faith Hill. My cousin passed away ten years ago (in my last post), and I get choked up every time I hear the song - it reminds me of her. Why, I'm not entirely sure: she liked Faith Hill, and I vaguely remember hearing that song on the way to her funeral. 

   My dad's "music" doesn't have a song, but artists: Elvis and Roy Orbison, maybe Hank Williams. Elvis and Dad share a birthday - I've known that as long I remembered birthdays. Hank Williams is one of his favourite artists (I hope I didn't follow in Dad's taste of music in my class!!!), and his voice when he sings reminds me of Roy Orbison, which is a good thing. Most people think of my dad only as a basketball coach and athlete, but out of my parents, he actually took piano lessons for 5 years. When I'm at home, there is always music playing when he can hear it - satellite TV music during supper, and on when he's on the computer.  

  Right now, my mom's song is "Daydream Believer" by either the Monkeys or Anne Murray. Whenever it's on, she sings, and apparently Monkeys were her favourite band as a teen, and she loves Anne Murray now. Meg's is "Hoop There It Is:" a basketball song, because well... that's her passion. It's from the movie Space Jam, which I'm sure she watched a lot of when it came out.
   A guy from high school is "Pretty Fly for a White Guy." Seriously, I see his face every time I hear it (thankfully not too often!). Most of my friends have some sort of music associated with them - sometimes exact songs, sometimes genres or artists. Some of my mus.ed friends have band pieces (sorry! just how I relate). Except my own band teacher: his is "Fishin in the Dark" by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. I graduated just as Guitar was starting to taught, and I came in for help while that was playing. Over and over. My theory prof did a lecture of the "Hanging Tree" by Marty Robbins, going over the theory and linking it with lyrics. 

   My university career is summed up with a classical song (of course): Scriabin's "Nocturne in Db" that I recorded. The recording is from my final year concert, and it was the best I have ever played it. When it randomly plays on my iPod, I still get the same feeling when it starts playing. It was my major accomplishment, and sounds more than just one hand (long story - I played my last two recitals lefthanded only due to my wrist). 

   My teaching career is "Defying Gravity" in the Wicked musical (yay Glee for making it famous!!). It takes a leap of faith to sub, hoping to make it work... Bob took a leap of faith calling me last August, and I took a leap of faith with the students trying to learn/teach guitar, then Social 9, now photo. Also hoping (having faith) that this extends to next year somehow.

   Maybe finding connections help me experiment and listen to different music constantly. 

   Or, it's my excuse for having almost 2300 songs on my iPod :)

The merry month of May?

      I have decided I hate the month of May. At its face, it sounds odd: it (supposedly) starts spring and warm weather here, it's closer to summer holidays, May long. Heck, my parents' wedding anniversary is in May, my high school graduation was in May 2001 (oh, the days of celebrating nearly 6 weeks before you knew for sure if you passed). But past and recent events make me believe that May is not my month.
    For starters, we lost another family member this month. Ethan was a little boy who, two weeks shy of his first birthday, didn't survive complications from heart surgery. His grandfather and my dad are cousins, and his mom is also a substitute teacher. I can't imagine the trauma that entails. The funeral is tomorrow.
      Lisa and Shaun have been through so much; Ethan was born with severe heart problems. When he was born, the doctors found the heart problems too much to handle, and they left the hospital for Ethan to die. He lived, and soon specialists started watching him. Long story short, many miracles later, the only doctor willing to operate was in California, so the family went. Ethan had the surgery on the 13, and passed away May 1. Rest peacefully, Ethan, and allow your family to find the strength to  continue.

    My grandmother also died in May. I was 14; just finishing Grade 9. Granny had lived with us for almost two years by that point, and always spent a fair amount of time in the hospital. I remember when Mom called when she passed; I asked how Grandma was doing, and Mom specifically repeated that she needed to speak with Dad. That's when I knew. Grandma was quite unhealthy - thanks to her emphysema, I will never smoke. She was depressed and wanted to go. She waited until my mom arrived that day at the hospital, and went to sleep. It's hard to believe I haven't seen her in 13 years.

    But I think the death that has affected me the most was my cousin. On my mom's side, I only had two cousins: two sisters (four granddaughters only!). Theresa started getting sick when I was at the end of grade 6, and due to a unique illness, she wasn't diagnosed for months. That was the year that I learned way too much medical processes and terminologies and decided I would NEVER be a doctor or nurse. Her disease destroyed her kidneys, requiring dialysis three times a week for the rest of her life. She was only 17 when diagnosed, and barely made her graduation. She was sick for 6 years. Later on, we found she suffered from major depression, but tried to hide it from my family. I don't blame her: how would you like to spend your "fun years" not allowed to touch alcohol, be exhausted and in/out of hospital?
She was like an older sister to me. The four of us were close: when there are only two siblings that each have two daughters, it doesn't take much to have family gatherings. Even now, her sister's two kids feel more like a niece and nephew than 2nd cousins.
     Fast forward to Easter of 2001, the medications that she continued to take caused leukaemia. That, on top of the Wegener's, meant she had to have a stem cell transplant. If worked, she would be able to have a kidney transplant, and effectively be cured of both. Her sister was the donor: she had to stop breastfeeding her 5 month old son to start injecting growth hormones. Terry's body couldn't handle the dialysis after the transplant. There were a few times where Mom was called to the hospital because they thought that might be it. Then, on May 10, 2001, surrounded by her parents, sister, and my mom, she slipped away. It's been almost a decade, and I can't go to the graveside. I have never been there; I'm sure that's denial, but I don't want to think of her like that. Maybe one day, with the right support.

  Coincidentally, that same morning she died, my dad's mom also was admitted to the hospital, with severe health concerns. Needless to say, I truly believe that was the worst day of my life. Grandma 'recovered' after a few weeks in hospital.

 Throw in Dad's best friend dying in 2005 (many teachers probably remember it because he died after school in the middle of the week), and Mom's diagnosis in May as well.

  So, forgive me if I don't jump for joy that we're in May. I can't wait for June 1.