Today was insanity... emotionally

It’s been a crazy day. In the span of two hours, I went from despair and emotional to relieved. I love my job, but hate the way I love it today.

All the teaching folk out there know that it’s transferring/finding out where the hell you’re going time right now. And, of course, temporary contracts are dealt with last. My principal called me out this morning before I started teaching. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty nasty when the vp also walked in. Love  administrators, but you never really want to talk to both of them at once – it usually isn’t good.

And it wasn’t. My principal informed me that there was nothing for me this upcoming year, and unable to find viable options for me. He had two options: 70% at an elementary school, teaching band and music ONLY until Christmas (then nothing); or, 30% band in one school all year.

He asked which one I wanted, and although I wanted to scream/cry/throw things, I said the lower percentage. It meant that I could sub (and hopefully nail a part time temp somewhere else) and take university classes. I also mentioned I could pick up some sections at a high school (30% in an elementary school means three mornings or afternoons a week, which would work if I taught all afternoons in elementary and did mornings). They explained that they were hoping for me to get into my areas and this was the way. Again, didn’t say anything out loud, but that ship sailed a long time ago – I’m going into my seventh year, and nothing is working. I just want steady work.

I thought I was composed until I walked into the staffroom, and realized that this was what I was leaving. I became that bubbling mess of a girl that I HATE, weepy, realizing I was also talking with people that were in the same boat. It hurt: I have been here 2 years, and done all the extras I could, and yet I was getting the boot. Lunch was awkward – our staff talk, so most knew – so when I walked in, it got quiet (again, HATE being that girl!).

The support that people showed during those few hours were AMAZING. Seriously, talking, supportive, hugs, outrage (at the decision) and positive. Then sharing in my relief when I updated them. I LOVE THESE PEOPLE.

Skip to 4^th period (right after lunch): get a call from the principal in the middle of teaching. The students knew that I was upset – they saw it, but it didn’t say anything – so they were quiet while I talked to him. He “found” two sections for me to teach. What does that mean? I will PROBABLY be 30% (band finally) and 50% at the school next semester… nothing for sure in January. (Note: the students learned about stress management… they noticed all the symptoms of stress we talked about and some of my relief in my physical being. Hmmm, they learned something???) 

Reasons I know I‘m in the right career: I was upset that I had done something wrong. I was frustrated, and ready to leave but heartbroken and crushed beyond belief that I failed. And the relief I felt after. I’m not sure I want this solution, but it’s a solution. It’s band – finally, after 6 years of waiting (unless you count the pit band this year – wonderful), and with a staff I love.

Thank you for being my family at work – I have worked with many staff, and have never felt so connected to so many of you! There may be groups but I feel respected, loved and supported. As a former (okay, current) geek that always blended in the background, you may not realize how overwhelming awesome that is. I love what everyone did for me today – and hate that when I eventually have to leave, I’ll be the blubbering mess again.

On a positive note - had fun at the GG banquet on Monday (humbled by the awards!) and at the athletic awards tonight. Keep focussing on the positive!